Mental Health jokes
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.