Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped? My dick.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
What is better to have autism or down syndrome or ADHD?
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Why do people who get shot in the head always becomes therapists?
They are more open-minded.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist
Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
How to get rid of your depression: 1. Stop self pittying 2. Realize you can't 3. Fucking deal with it Your welcome
Imagine there’s a funny joke here..imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum cause you’re schizophrenic.(This is my joke, I came up with it myself, anybody else who has said it said it after me, it’s important to me lol because I came up with it)
85% of us are good at school while the other 15% is good at suicide
( teach me your ways 15% )
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry? Well they aren't. Why? They aren't repeated customers.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
