Memory jokes

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

THIS IS A RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

and they had a little fun.

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"