Medicine jokes
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.