doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
What is long brown and cured depression.
A nuse.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
What game hurts you the more stages you survive? Cancer
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs
My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
A man gets an email from his doctor
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tommarrow"
The man thinks to himself "oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? A trip without kids.
There are pain killers but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
why cant orphans go to the hospital? because it is a family hospital ( sorry for the long breack in between my jokes i just had some family stuff but i am back
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen? a chill pill.
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Patient: Good news! Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Doctor ask his patient "what is your zodiac sign?". Patient replies cancer, Doctor says what a coincidence.
doctors in the middle ages, Plague doctor: "i must have some herbs to block out bad air" docters now: "God, wtf were we doing back then"
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
