Medicine jokes
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.