Medicine jokes
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
One looks up the family tree, and the other looks up the family bush.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."