The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Patient: Good news! Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Doctor ask his patient "what is your zodiac sign?". Patient replies cancer, Doctor says what a coincidence.
doctors in the middle ages, Plague doctor: "i must have some herbs to block out bad air" docters now: "God, wtf were we doing back then"
why did the banana go to the doctor it wasn't peeling well
Woman: Doctor doctor I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose. She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Why can't people in africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach
I overdosed on viagra yesterday, It was the hardest day of my life
to whoever stole my antidepressants,why do you need them
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears, says 'But doctor... I am Pagliacci.'
How can you tell an anti vaccine kid
It's only got 10 hours to live
