Medicine jokes
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
Erectile dysfunction.