Medicine

Medicine Jokes

Seizure

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

Priest

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

Cancer

Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.

Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?

Oh, it's still cancer.

Disease

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Patient: Good news!

Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

Overdose

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

Doctor

The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

Chemist

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!

Cancer

Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"

Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"

Doctor

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Man

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

Circumcision

What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?

The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!

Doctor

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.

Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?

Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.

Orphan: Why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.