Medicine jokes
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Memes
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
AIDS?
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!