What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
AIDS?
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
