What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
AIDS?
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
