Medicine jokes
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
Memes
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
AIDS?
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"