Medicine jokes
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.