Medicine jokes
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.