Medicine jokes

Why can't people in Africa have medicine?

Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

With great depression comes great antidepressants.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!