Medicine jokes

What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?

Cell-ablate!

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Why can't people in Africa have medicine?

Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

He took 33 pills a month (5433).

Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.