Medicine jokes
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"
"It's a girl."
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.
When the doctor saw this, he said,
"From Type 2 Diabetes!"
Get it?
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.