Medicine jokes
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Do no doctor start with A and A+?
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Cancer.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.