Medicine jokes
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.