Medicine jokes

Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

Why did the author go to the emergency room?

His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.