Medicine jokes

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.

Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

Why do pills work?

Because they are white.

Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?

Because dead babies make the best chum! :)

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?

Ruberto

What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?

A salad.

What is a lot?

Syphilis.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

Why do hospitals have fans?

To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

Do no doctor start with A and A+?

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.

Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)