Medicine jokes
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Cancer.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Why are hospitals always freezing? They need to keep the vegetables cold.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.