Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
If I was a raped victim, would silence be the best medicine?
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
