Let me just remove my finger from your bottom. Thank you nurse.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
what's the difference between me and an old man no one pulled my life support
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
why did the cucumber go to the doctor because he wasn't peeling well
I was dying when i called my sister and she said "Hi this is pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic your loss our sauce how may i help you today."
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient". Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants. Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control. Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?" The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why did the tamale go to the hospital
tamalito
A blonde walks into the Doctors office. She tells the Doctor, " My boyfriend has dandruff". The Doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the Doctors phone rings. He answers, its the Blonde. The Doctor asks how he can help her. " Well Doctor, I understand head, but how do you hove shoulders?"...........
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
when you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders
A 28-year old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online. For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger."
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!!!"
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking".
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