ME jokes

What is the difference between me and a retard?

At least I have chromosomes.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.

My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?

Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D

Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?

Me: Call The Police Ka!!!

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.

Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...

herishy, my little sissy dont report me.

Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.

Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.

Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.

Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.

Pastor: You deserve to die.

- I attack

OMG, you will give me Discord Nitro and Robux?? Sike, I lied!

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.

Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.

Akeld: All I want to do is mess with Gwen!

Gwen: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Akeld: NOT EVER!

Guys, please stop making fake accounts of me. It's not funny, and it's disrespectful of you, ok, bitch?

My name is Mr. Cheese, but your jokes are still cheesier than me...

You: I want my mama.

Me: Soz, you can't even get one.

MISSING!!

MISSING!!

Name: Ghostiano Penaldo

Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium

Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".

Last found - Practicing tap ins.

Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.

Might be dangerous towards good players.

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."