ME jokes

Home

  • Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.

    Man

  • So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like you're having a rough day, tell me about it?"

    The man then stood up and became Mario!

    Booty

  • Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

  • 4
  • Whore

  • Bully: Gina, why are you such a whore?

    Gina: Because they hit me on the ass!

    Bully: Yuh, that must be nice!

    Gina: Hmmm...

    Gina: Wanna???

    Bully: 😍😍😍...sexy ass ever!

    Bully 🖐🏻🍑

    Gina😊

  • 0
  • Breakfast

  • My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

    Now she's having a breakfast.

    Room

  • Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.

  • 0
  • Difference

  • What is the difference between a human and a human rights act and a walk home and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and a wheelchair to wheelchair and wheelchair to wheelchair for wheelchair home night time to a home was fun at home night was the day I had dinner is it fun for me I was going to be a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home night time?

    Bear

  • Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

    His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

    *Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

    Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

    LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

    Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

    Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

  • 1
  • Whore

  • Bully: Gina, why are you such a whore?

    Gina: Because they hit me on the butt!

    Bully: Yes, that must be cute!

    Gina: Hmmm...

    Gina: Do you want???

    Bully: 😍😍😍... sexy ass!

    Bully 🖐🏻🍑

    Gina😊

    Book

  • Me: Hey, what book are you reading?

    Him: "The Twisted Ones."

    Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.

  • 0
  • Cancer

  • So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

  • 9
  • Murder

  • Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

    AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

    So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

    ok like for part two☺☺☺

    Hitler

  • Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

    Eventually find me attractive.

  • 0