ME jokes

Tip

Vasya2003 · 3 months ago

Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?

Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.

Sister

naruto · 3 years ago

Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;

Leg day

✨Jassy✨ · 3 years ago

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

Brother

Jacko · 6 years ago

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

Orphan

Orhpan · 3 years ago

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

Head

Anonymous · 4 years ago

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

Homework

A random girl · 4 years ago

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.