ME jokes

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?

Seek and Hide: Me.

Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.

Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?

Figure: Because your name is in seeker.

What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?

“Will you raise me?”

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

",':/ wait wtf that post below me was gay."

Me. I am the joke.

Waiter: Can I have your order?

Me: No, it’s mine!

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

Tell me a joke about sodium.

Na.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

This name makes me want to close season instead of open it.

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.