ME jokes
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"
What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?
What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.