ME jokes

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?

"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

My wife left me and took the kids.

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.