I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!
I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Q: Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with only one hand? A: She moans with the other.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.
