Masturbation jokes
Why can't Jordan moan? Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.