I once masturbated in the bathroom.
I was looking for something, for a little help.
Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.
I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
orgasm means 2 things: 1, during you masturbate. 2. you torture phantoms
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
you masturbate... AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH you wont get any squirtle and bulbasaur pets
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Ex girlfriend “i can smell fish” Ex boyfriend “i can smell shit” Ex boyfriend “ well how many boys swam down there” Ex girlfriend “20!” Fish “ wasn’t mean I don’t swim around mistakes”
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
Steven Hawking was going to jerk off, nope. 😂
