Masturbation jokes
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
Masturbation is better than rough sex.
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
I once masturbated in the bathroom.
I was looking for something, for a little help.
Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.
I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!
I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.