Mary

Mary Jokes

Look I didn't hit rock bottom I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

Mary had a great big ram his fleece was white as snow when on hands and knees our Mary went his wad was sure to blow

Month by month her belly grew increasing in it's girth and when five months had flown by our Mary did give birth

And Mary had a little lamb a little lamb, a little lamb....

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this????” She later asked me to leave forever..... I don’t gnome why but... it CRACKed me up abit!!!

1

Your mama is so ugly she summoned Bloody Mary. She handed her an application through the mirror.

Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing. Her momma said Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your under-ware. Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed, she knew she wasn't wearing no under-ware.

Mary has a house near a forrest she lives with her bro and she once said how many trees are there and her bro said: idk. She said: tree

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man"? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven". Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : "What is it?" A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : "Do you mind if we swap places"? Sister Bernadette replies : "What for"? Sister Carmel says : "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there"!

3

Three nuns had to go before mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says have you sinned? Yes I have mother I have stolen a bicycle. Okay said mother Superior okay said mother Superior say 100 holy Marys and put dip your hand in the holy water... Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned she slept with a married man.. so mother Superior says okay save 500 hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way the third nun comes up and she says I peed in the holy water 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈