Newest Marriage Jokes - Page 11

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

i hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding

The Wife said "Honey! Do you like my new Teeth?"

The Husband replied "They remind me of stars Darling!" "Yellow and Far apart"

American Says : "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..." Sardar ji Says : "Accha ,India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

What do bees 🐝 do when they get married? They go on a honeymoon.

what did the man say to his wife? "MAKE ME A DAMN SANDWICH WOMAN!"

Before: Caring & Noble

After: Chernobyl

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

My marriage was on the rocks so I buried my wife under some.

I like my marriages like I like my whiskey. On the rocks

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini. The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him. The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao

Why do brides wear white?

So the match the kitchen appliances

My wife still misses me...

But her aim is getting better!

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face

Wife: Honey, i love you

Husband: i love you all

Wife: awwww.......... Wait WHAT ?!?!??!

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”