Marriage jokes
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?
Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!
Zozo laughed at his wife for her husband being a hobo.
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
I hate my wife.
*cue laugh*
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?