Absent dad jokes

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not."

"Not who?"

"Not your dad."

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

My dad just comes and goes.

Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.

My dad left me, lol.

My dad left me.

Boomerangs come back, but your dad never did.

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!