Man jokes

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

What do you call a white man in court?

SUPERIOR!

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.

What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.

What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?

The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."

Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.