Man jokes
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?
Nutella!
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
What is another word for Arab man who is a Palestinian Muslim?
Palestinian masseur.
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Relatable
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
It's raining men! Hallelujah!
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.