Man jokes
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.
Neil before me.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?
A gingerbread man.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
Who is older than the Twin Towers?
Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”