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This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"

The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."