Make jokes

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

Make him read a book.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

Everyone stop making 9/11 jokes; they just don't fly.

The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.

Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.

People are still scratching their heads over it.

What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.