What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
