Make Jokes

Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

i love the way the earth rotates

it really makes my day

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My boss said she would’ve loved to meet bill Cosby as a child. I don’t get why im getting arrested, I was just making sure he dream came true

what is an orphans dads job a magician because he makes him self disappear.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad? You turn off the WiFi router

What's the difference between a baby and an onion ?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

wait isnt this sans job to make a joke?

Can you make me a bowl of cereal, oh wait you dad never came back with the milk

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear. Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him. Go on, so what did you do with ship them?