Make jokes

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?

Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?

You turn off the WiFi router.

I love the way the Earth rotates.

It really makes my day!

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."