Make jokes

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

Why are frogs good at basketball?

Because they always make jump shots.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?

The cow didn’t make it.

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

Why do dolphins live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.