Make jokes

It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Huggy's so fat, Playtime Co. had to make him a monument of fatness.

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?

One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.

Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

Why can you never trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.