Make jokes

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?

A: They tend to crash and burn.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?

Because white people have white privilege.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.

I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

I AM SFLUGO FOUNDER OF THE PRO ORPHAN JOKE CLUB. Just want to say that people spamming does nothing and we will keep making our jokes!! #SaveOrphanJokes and please say in the comments if you want to join the club.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"