Make jokes

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

I love the way the Earth rotates.

It really makes my day!

The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise.

I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"