New Make Jokes - Page 59 - Worst Jokes Ever

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

What goes up and down and does not move?

Stairs.

One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?

You turn off the WiFi router.

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

911 help. Hello?

Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏

A stupid dolphin makes an annoying noise.

The dolphin did it on porpoise.

I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

What goes up but never past the digits 15?

A Make-A-Wish kid...

Trump said: "Let's make America great again."

Translation by Democrats:

"Let's fake America again."

The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.

A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.

The wind is howling with this virus in the air.

Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.

Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.

Be the good girl you always have to be.

Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!

Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!

I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.

Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.

It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!

It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!

No right, no wrong, but stay inside!

WE'RE NOT FREE!!

Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.

The virus flurries through the air into my house!

The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!

And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!

What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????

DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”