Made jokes
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...
SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
How are urinals made?
They get installed.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.