Made jokes
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
Who knows? Maybe the end of the world will be made in China too.
Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Why did Technoblade die?
Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.