Made jokes
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
They made a movie about 9/11.
It was a big hit.
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.