Love jokes

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

What game do emo kids love the most?

Hangman.

I love still things.

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Mum is the best!

Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

Why do orphans like milk so much?

Because they got no milk as a baby.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.