Lot jokes

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Why is jelly laughing a lot?

Because his friend goes nuts!

It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."