What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youβre inside them.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?
So, I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way, people are free to be whatever they feel they are, and that's not anyone else's choice.
BUT!!!!!!
I personally have my own feelings on "churches and christianity". I feel that it is against The God Delusion and is an abomination to anyone who has half a braincell. I know plenty of Christian people, and I respect that! NO, REALLY, I DO. My best friend is a dumbass Christian just like you are, and I respect that's how she feels, and I'm glad that she made her choice. But I don't love it when people promote this stuff, because it is what the morons are tricking everyone into doing/being. Falling into the brainwashed act is NOT something you should ever want to do. As someone who has some intelligence, this is not okay in my sense.
As someone who isn't an Aussie, I note that Idfk what this is: "The people who defended Australia get 2 days, remembrance day and Anzac day + 1 minute of silence." BUT the christianism community gets YEARS IN THIS DUMB WORLD where they are told that they are 'special' and 'normal, like everyone else'. Which is really unfair and in a way, biased. I was only 7 when I recognized this just from being told at school by all the kids in my class that they are either CHRISTIAN or support it.
I know and understand I will get a lot of hate from this, I also don't give a shit, but please remember that it's just my thoughts and opinion. Thank you for reading. :)
fart a lot
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
