Lot jokes
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
Thereβs a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youβre inside them.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"
What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot.
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.