Lot

Lot jokes

Depression

    • Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

    Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

    Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

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    • Woman

    • A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.

    Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.

    Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》

    The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》

    Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》

    But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.

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    • Dog

    • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

    Dog

    • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

    Papyrus

    • Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!

    Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!

    Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!

    Frisk: HAHAHA

    Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!

    Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!

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    • Volcano

    • Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?

    It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.

    Mozart

    • Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.

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    • Egg

    • So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

    I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

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    • Bone

    • Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

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    • Hide-and-seek

    • I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

    Nun

    • Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

    The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

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