Lot jokes

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot!

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.

If you were a food, what would you be?

Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."

Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."

Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you a lot!

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

Why did the fridge have lots of friends?

Cause it was COOL.