Lot jokes

What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?

Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........

Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."

Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...

It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

Why will we never get hungry in the desert?

We have lots of sand-which's.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.

Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.

What's grey and can't fly?

A parking lot.

Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?

Because they are high.