Look jokes
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
Always!
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)