Look jokes

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?

Look at that dino-sour!

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?

A Mexican.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)

What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?

The look they give you while you’re nailing them.