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Look jokes

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

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    • Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

    Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

    Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

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    • I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

    But no one would do it.

    Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

    One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

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    • You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

    Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

    So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

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    • I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

    My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

    A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.

    The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.

    The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"

    The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."

    So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

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    • I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

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    • What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

    Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

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    • Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

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    • "Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

    "I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

    Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"

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