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I Live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food so I called my dog over
a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
boss: "we have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "how?"
surgeon: "I thought to do your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "get out"
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog A cat has 9 lives and a frog croaks every day
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
3 Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand. The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him. The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied,"It didn't tickle at all. I laughted at the sight the third guy was bringing over a pinapple."
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Do [or "Oh, do"] you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes [or "Oh, yes"], I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of there lives.
you know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
answer: living
Sister:Hey sis how are you today?Me:Oh good you?sister:good cause i heard you finally got a good living life
Let girls live is 9 years old omg right??😔😊😊😊
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What do you call an Orphan living with ghosts?
Him and his dead family. :(:
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live - the doctor replied tu-more
a priest sees a man about to commit suicide the man says "I have nothing to live for here I will die go to heaven and get 72 virgins" then the priest says "no need for this I will take you to the local elementary school"
