Living jokes
Our hairline goes way back before dinosaurs lived.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Memes
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
My live.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life on the rhyme side!