Like jokes

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"Drop it like it's HOT!"

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...

- But?

- ...

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."