Like jokes
"Ukraine be like Escape to Witch Mountain!"
Yo hairline is built like the Mississippi River.
I like CHEESE!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Youtubers say like and subscribe!
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.